Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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