i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Drunk is not a location!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
