its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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