All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
