and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
