i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
