I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
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