I CAN MOONWALK!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
