Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
