i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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