If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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