Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
