dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
