She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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