Cold hands, warm shart.
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
