if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
