I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
