what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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