one might say we're banned from that church
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
