Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
