I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
