So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
