I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
