Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
