Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I need water and some morals
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
