When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
