Im at strip club and am horny
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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