something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
