I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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