john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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