bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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