You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
