got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
