Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
