I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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