Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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