I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I came so hard my ears popped.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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