Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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