i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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