Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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