why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I could make wine with my vomit
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
