now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize