do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
