i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
