I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize