Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
