Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Congratulations! We have a period
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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