This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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