We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
