Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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