If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
