The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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