why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
