drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
the liver wants what the liver wants
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
