I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
