Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
