Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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