"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
