I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
