Where is the hickey?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
