dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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