i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
