what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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