I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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