last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
