no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize