My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
