I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
