I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
