Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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