You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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